You have GOT to be kidding me ...

This morning I noticed a really funky smell in our reception area ... kinda like a dead animal smell.

Well ... the smell began to grow and grow and minute by minute it seemed to get worse.

So over the course of an hour we pinpointed the source of the smell - the reception computer (tower). It was intolerable ... I took the computer apart - largely assisted by a very brave co-worker - and we discovered the cause of the smell, a dead mouse.

And to make matters worse ... it didn't just crawl in there to die peacefully of natural causes ... it ran in there, cut itself open and bled all over the freaking inside of the computer - which I then had to clean up ... (which explained the mysterious rusty drippings running down the outside of the computer) ...

Gross.

Not a pleasent afternoon ...

Since my job description is currently being revised, I think I should add "pest control" to my responsibilities ...

Cockroach in the mirco ...

There is a cockroach stuck in the clock of our microwave at work. It's so weird. One day we just kinda noticed this small bug crawling over the digital numbers and we kinda figured it was a roach, but we weren't really sure because it was just a baby.

Now, however, it's quite obvious that it's a cockroach ... it's got the big feely things sticking out front and the long rusty brown body and it moves fast and generally just makes me shiver when I see him (or her) ...

We're all really quite mystified with how it's managing to stay alive ~ and grow!!!

Everyone, including myself, continues to use the microwave in spite of our creepy crawly friend ... I mean, what can we do?? He's TRAPPED and we can't get him out!!! We've tried flicking the screen, we've tried poking things into the side (but you don't want to poke a microwave TOO much ...), we've tried cleaning it, nothing is working. He/she continues to flourish despite the odds!!!

I don't have a point to this story ... I know I could go somewhere with it ... I'm sure there is a life lesson somewhere ... but I don't have a point.

I just hate cockroaches. The fact that there is one stuck in the microwave at work that I use almost everyday is ... well ... irritating.

Baby it's cold outside ...

Yeah ... it's pretty cold outside. It's cold in that sunny, crisp, crunchy snow way that I love.

I was waiting in line at the bank, feeling very cold, trying to occasionally wiggle my toes so they wouldn't expire with frostbite ... and a streetcar passes with pictures of a girl wearing a bunch of different tank tops!!!

It was bizarre ... As I looked at the picture (or rather, the ADVERTISEMENT) my entire body shook with a giant shiver and I realized how completely absurd it was that this particular streetcar was advertising SUMMER clothing in the winter.

I realized that we are all being pushed along at an alarming rate by retailers who are releasing their seasonal products earlier and earlier with each passing year. I can remember as I kid, looking forward to the end of August because it meant that the fall "back to school" stuff would be out soon ... as in "close to September" soon. These days, the back to school stuff comes out in July!!! Seriously! Kids are just starting their summer holidays and they are bombarded with back to school promos everywhere.

And, like the streetcar this morning, we are still in the throws of winter, and yet, not a sweater can be found in most stores. Forget trying to find a winter coat! And, don't even think about trying to find mittens or a hat or a scarf. Basically people, if you've misplaced an article of winter clothing you are out of luck until August!!

I just think it's so weird. It's like we're forbidden by some "higher design team power" to enjoy an entire season. No wonder people are grumbling about the cold. These temperatures are normal ~ but they don't seem normal when streetcars and billboards and storefronts thrust half naked men and woman in t-shirts and shorts at us as we hurry by in our mittens and scarves.

It's like a dangling carrot ... just keep chasing the warm sun, just keep running after the summer, it'll be here soon ...

Seriously. Weirdness.

It's about time ...

I haven't updated in quite awhile so, given that I do have so many good and amazing things in my life to write about, I thought it was about time!

Life is good ... the Luker is growing like a weed, trying my patience and making me laugh all the time :) I love him! He spends most evenings entertaining Curtis and I with his renditions of "Wake Me Up When September Ends", and more recently, the monster ballad "Heartsick" from the movie School of Rock. (Which of course he rocks out to with his guitar or his "drums" - sticks on the couch, but whatever - while pausing every once and a while to go and spike up his hair. We all know you can't possibly sing rock 'n roll with flat hair.)

My relationship with Curtis is amazing and everyday he blows me away with new ways of making me see just how perfect he is as a person, and, how completely perfect he is for me ~ it's really amazing to just be able to talk to him about anything and everything. Most amazing is the fact that there are moments when I'm completely frustrated with work, Luke, life ... and he just takes my little "outbreaks of emotion" and validates my feelings and helps me see the good things in every situation. I love him! Actually, if I listed off all the most amazing things about our relationship, it would take WAAAY to long.

Work bites, but whatever ... not everything in life goes the way WE want it to, right? We ARE getting new computers and software, so, that is wonderful and exciting ~ and will keep me pumped about coming in to work for ... well ... two days!

I'm not going to be putting up a wedding information website or anything like that, but rest assured that I'll include important updates in my blog. Updates like, WE HAVE SET THE DATE!!! December 16th, 2006. I can't wait. I wish today was November 22nd ... but ... then ... I wouldn't have a dress, and we wouldn't have a venue and no one would be coming because the invitations wouldn't be mailed out .... so I guess it's OK that it's only February 22nd!!

So ... that's my update for now (sorry Greg, didn't know what to write, but, please, DO try to avoid doing coffee on your own!!).

A Very GOOD Night ....

Curtis and I are ENGAGED!!!!!!!!

It happened last night on our way home from a "show" at the Big Bop where we heard some sweet metal music ... but enough of THAT ...

We were walking up River Street and it was like minus five billion degrees outside and I was complaining about how cold I was and Curtis just kept telling me to "think warm thoughts" to stay warm.

Then as we got to River Street (THE River Street) he stops and looks down Shuter and turns to me and says this is my favorite spot in Toronto. And I'm like "that's great it's freezing let's go" and he just kept smiling and talking about how much he liked the view and how great it was and I just kept thinking he was crazy because it was so cold and I couldn't feel my face ....

And then he pulled out this peice of paper and (so I'm told) I started to jump up and down and I just said "are you doing this??!!" And then he said sweet and wonderful things that made me cry (sort of ... my tears froze before they left my eyeballs) ... and I said yes!

And then I was beyond happy and really warm and could have stood there all night ...

And that's the beginning of the story ...

Grace moment. A while back I was asked to consider what my "grace moment" was ... A time when I was "blown away" by grace.

My grace moment is very easy to pinpoint.

It was June 2003. I had just gone through a brutal couple of years that ended with me and Luke moving in with my Mom and Dad. I was unstable in many ways and was seeking, above all else, safety ... a safe and secure place. And, love ~ but I didn't know what kind of love I was looking for ...

I remember trying to think about the last time I felt "safe" and truly happy. 614 came to mind. I called Geoff and Sandra to tell them what had happened and Sandra asked me and Luke to come and stay with them for a week. I was really nervous.

I had left 614 poorly two years prior and was terrified of what people would say to me when they saw me. I was terrified of what people would think of me. I figured that no one would be the least bit interested to talk to me and I thought for sure that no one could possibly care about my whereabouts or my upcoming visit. But, I chose to visit Sandra and Geoff despite my hesitations, because, somewhere in the back of my mind was the nagging thought that Regent Park was, at one time, a place that I had loved.

My Dad drove Luke and I in on a Sunday and as we pulled into the parking lot of River Street my heart was in my throat and all I wanted to do was drive away unseen and head back to the sanctuary of my parents home. I was so scared, however, I couldn't even find the words to tell my Dad to turn the car around. So we parked the car and my Dad opened his door ...

I got out of the car and my Dad handed Luke to me (he had just turned one and was still pretty small), and I started to walk towards the front door of River Street. I couldn't breathe and all I could think was "this is a mistake, no one here cares, why are you doing this??" I had no idea what I would say to people, "sorry" sounded hollow in my mind and "hi" seemed inadequate ...

Then, out of the blue, someone came around the corner. This person smiled a HUGE smile when they saw me and immediately stretched out their arms to embrace me and Luke in one big, welcome back, unconditional hug that ended with "it's so good to see you again."

Everything in me fought to fight back tears of happiness, relief, shock, but most of all, tears of understanding that God was really with me and had chosen this particular person to be there and show me love that I needed and love that I was so desparately seeking, in a moment when everything around me was scary and terrifying and different. I was shown grace.

I was told with a smile and a hug that it didn't matter what had happened at ALL ... I was loved and I was worth something.

I will never, ever forget that moment.

'Till Kingdom Come

This song has been stuck in my head ALL morning ... I love it ...

One... Two...

Still my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time, my time has come
Let me in, unlock the door
I never felt this way before

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know which way I’ve come

Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you I’ve waited all these years

For you I’d wait til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you’ll come and set me free
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing
I wouldn’t change a single thing

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know what I’ve become

For you I’d wait til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
Say you’ll come and set me free

Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me